Orochimaru's Magical Shopping Adventure
by Chibihisagi
Summary: Orochimaru seems that he looks to normal. So he asks Kabuto. Kabuto answers and then Orochimaru gets an idea. THe idea of shopping! R
1. The big question and roundin em up

Konnichiwa minna-san. I am **Kei Hao Asakura**. I am an author! I 

have made three or so Naruto stories. One got taken off. I was sad.

Then I have two other ones that I have not updated forever. Which is

bad. At the moment, I am working on three stories. Two anime and

one video game. (Naruto, Bleach and Kingdom Hearts) This isn't

about me though. It is about Naruto. NOT EVEN NARUTO! The star

for this fan fic… OROCHIMARU! And the sidekicks and/or comic

relief, Kabuto, Sakon, Zaku and Kimimaro! I only wanted them cause

I really don't care about the other otonins. Most of all, KIN! I HATE

her voice so much. If that bothers you, then I won't bash her at all.

Promise. Poor Chouji, Neji and Shikamaru. Spoilers are most likely to

happen in this fic. If you are new to Naruto, not have read over

chapter 180 or so, haven't seen episodes like… 118 or somewhere

around there, then you may not want to read this. I got the idea when

I was talking to one of my friends about Ayashi no Ceres then Q-san,

then her voice actor who is also Orochimaru! She said that she loved

his eye shadow and I said that I loved him and the idea popped into

my head. A story about how he got all his cool clothes. YAY! That and

I watched a silly little parody of final fantasy 7. This isn't a parody. My

friend, Rena Tsukino told me of an anime called umm… something. I

can't remember well… I think it was… um… Magical Shopping Arcade

or something like that. I better start the story. Sakon-chan, you do the

disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER:

Sakon: Kei Hao Asakura does not and never will own Naruto, any big

labels that you know that she doesn't have her name on it and of

course, Orochimaru-sama's eye shadow.

Kei: Yes, I know. It is sad.

WARNING! Gag yaoi. Meaning that men are liking each other, but

only for the sake of the humor of the story. I am a yaoi fan, but I know

there are some people who hate it. I am fine with that and that is why

I am making it only gag. Cause if it was for real, then not many people

would read it, would they? Sadness. Ha. Anyway, it would be called

shounen ai since nothing is graphic or naughty. Hehe. Umm.. I better

start!

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"Orochimaru-sama, you seem… distant. Is something troubling you,

sir?" someone asked the snake like man.

The pale long haired brunette looked away from the fly on the wall

and saw his number one subordinate, Kabuto. Orochimaru sighed,

shaking his head. Something was missing. Missing in his heart. He

looked down at his clothes and hissed in disgust. He looked so…

NORMAL! His jounin vest, long sleeved black shirt, black pants and

his sound headband. He could only sigh and looked up at Kabuto.

"Kabuto, I feel like I am missing something. Tell me, do you know

what can make me… different?" he asked, clasping his hands in front

of his heart.

A pink background went behind Kabuto, pink bubbles, rainbows and

sparkly eyes surrounded both Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"O-Orochimaru-sama… I think… I think… YOU SHOULD GET A

MAKE OVER!"

All the shoujouness disappeared and little anime dots appeared over

his head. A little cicada made a noise and Orochimaru slowly looked

up at Kabuto.

"Kabuto… THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVA! Go get Zaku, Kimimaro,

Sakon and Ukon! Hurry! We have many things to do and so little

time!" Orochimaru said with glee, jumping from his throne like chair.

Kabuto stared at him for a moment then looked down at his clothes.

He too looked 'normal'. Normal shirt, normal pants, normal shoes.

He wanted to stand out just a bit. Just a little. So with a sigh, he

walked out the door to leave Orochimaru to plot. Yes, plot. Like a

good little antagonist! Ku ku ku ku.

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Zaku was in his room, sneaking up to Kin who say on his bed, clad

only in her underwear!

"Heh heh heh. Sensei Zaku thinks that student Kin-chan has been

bad and needs to be punished," he said, walking towards her, an evil

grin on her face. (can you believe they are 14?) She pretended to be

scared as he jumped on the bed, pouncing on her! He was about to do

the … thing… when there was a knock on the door!

"Crap! Hide!" he whispered, picking her up and throwing her into the

bathroom connected to his room.

It was Kabuto, asking to come in. Zaku looked around, found a shirt

and slipped it on. Trouble was, it was Kin's! He opened the door and

saw Kabuto staring at him.

"Y-Yeah. What is it you need?" he asked in his annoyed tone voice.

Kabuto smiled, trying not to look down at his shirt.

"Orochimaru-sama wants to see you in the meeting room as soon as

possible. That is all. And um… you may not want to wear that.

Orochimaru-sama may think you are… something you shouldn't be.

Ahem… well… see ya," Kabuto said, walking away, trying so hard to

hold his laughter in.

Zaku glared at his back, slammed the door and heard a light moan.

"Man, Zaku, that hurt. I hit my head on the toilet!" Kin said as she

walked out.

But she didn't say anything else as she saw what Zaku was wearing.

Glaring at him, she stomped over to him, snatched the shirt right off

his back, put it on and stormed out of his room.

"D-Damn you Kabuto. I WAS GONNA GET SOME!" he yelled, kicking

the wall as hard as he could.

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Kabuto was almost traumatized after seeing Zaku in a girls shirt.

What next? Oh yeah. He knew. He knew exactly what was next.

Kimimaro. If seeing Zaku in woman's clothing was bad, Kimimaro

was the end of the world. Secretly, he always watched him. Kimimaro

I mean. Always when he was training with Orochimaru. Ever since he

was young. They would fight over who loved him more. Not in front of

Orochimaru of course. But they kept on fighting for his attention. If

he could win one million dollars to tell his one and true rival, Kabuto

would blurt out in a heart beat 'KIMIMARO!' But since he won't get

money for this, we will just say that he blurted out Kimimaro out

loud. That made him seem like a psycho. It's alright Kabuto, we

already know you are a psycho! And so, he trudged to the dreaded

Kaguya clan's Kimimaro, hoping that he didn't have to talk to him

much. The door seemed to loom over him. It was the end of the world.

He had to talk to this… boner guy! Taking in a deep breath, he

knocked on the door.

"Kimimaro-kun, may I talk to you?"

"Coming."

Kabuto sighed then waited for a moment as he heard footsteps

coming to the door.

Kimimaro opened the door and when he saw Kabuto, he glared and

asked what he wanted.

Kabuto put on a fake smile and said, "Orochimaru-sama wants to see

you."

The frown faded from his face and was replaced by a smile. The

shoujouness came back and Kimimaro's eyes turned also Shoujou.

"O-Orochimaru-sama wants to see me? ME? Oh what for, Kabuto-

san? What for?" Kimimaro asked, taking Kabuto's hand into his.

Kabuto winced, but still had his fake smile and answered, "He wants

to take a couple of us shopping."

Kimimaro's face turned into the biggest smile ever and suddenly, he

turned chibi!

"Oh joy! Orochimaru-sama wants to see me! I shall go! Please excuse

me!" he said, his voice high pitched.

Kabuto watched as the chibi Kimi-chan ran down the hall, flowers,

hearts and rainbows following him along with the pink background.

"My gawd, what I have to deal with just to take over the world,"

Kabuto sighed, walking down the hallway to Sakon and Ukon's room.

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Well, that is all. I hope it's alright. Review if you like it. If you hate it…

please… be gentle. I am a frail girl who can't stand to be hurt. Umm…

if I get at least one review then I shall make another chapter. That is

all. Please review. Maybe Kabuto will be happier. I know Kimi-chan

can't be anymore happier. Haha.

* * *

**Kei Hao Asakura**


	2. The last of them and the meetin

YAY! THREE REVIEWS! Guess what that means… guess… umm… 

(looks around) Ame-chan (little sister) what does it mean?

Ame: (Sigh) New chapter.

Me: Aha. Yes. Thank you.

Well, the reviewers Hurrahhurrah, Yit-ha andJin Freecs, I want to

thank you for reviewing. Also, Jin-san, I finished the

chapter, not the story. Heh Sorry if I didn't make it clear. But most

likely you knew that. I am just stupid. SORRY! (bow bow)

And Yit-ha-san, this is before him taking over Konoha. I don't think I

could give all them a new look cause then I would be a little

crazy. But no one said I couldn't experiment if you know what I

mean. (wink wink) Hah. Just kidding. Well, we'll just have to see if

Kabu-chan can compete with Kimi-kun and his evil chibiness. If

Kabuto can learn Chibi-no-jutsu then he may have a chance. Haha.

Chibi no jutsu. Ha. T3T the three is a lip! and T are eyes!clever huh?...

Yeah. Thanks again for reviewing. (bow)

And umm… enjoy readers!

Note: GAG YAOI! Meaning that there is gonna be some men liking

men as a joke. No real stuff. Promise. Or unless you want it! (thought bubble time!)

Orochimaru: Ku, ku, ku, come here Kimi-kun.

Kimimaro: YES Orochimaru-sama!

Me: NO! I want a chibi Kimi-kun! Do it know or Kabu-chan gets it!

Oro-chan: NO! He helps me pee!

Kabuto: DO NOT!

(thought bubble ends ((thankfully))) And yes. I have a screwed up

mind.

Another note: Kidoumaru (the spider guy), Sakon/Ukon, Jiroubou

(big guy) and Tayuya are 14 and Kimimaro is 15. Isn't that a

shocker! Especially Tayuya's mouth!

Disclaimer!

Tayuya: So what if I am 14? Big fu-bleep! deal! What the bleep

am I suppose to say anyway, bitch?

Me: (shakes fist) Grrr. Temari! Use you big nutted ferret!

Temari: How about I say the disclaimer?

Me: OKIE!

Temari: Kei Hao Asakura does not and never will own Naruto or

anything that has a big label company name.

Me: (sigh) I'll just have to marry Kishimoto-san.

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Orochimaru sat in his meeting room, on his leather throne like

chair, looking down at a magazine. It was called, 'Beauty Tips of

Ninja's'. (hehe if any of you get it)

It had columns about all kinds of ninja's and the latest styles.

He was 'kuing', looking at all the new clothes. He wanted to be in

this. Maybe he would! He kued to himself then heard a knock on

the door.

"Come in," he said, not looking up from the magazine.

A chibi Kimimaro poked his head in and grinned.

"OOrochimaru-sammmmaaa! You loyal servant and number one

slave is here to assist you in anyway that is needed!" he said in a

sing song voice.

Orochimaru looked up at him and smiled evilly.

"Hello, Kimimaro-kun. Come sit down. We have a while until

everyone is here," he said, motioning to the seat next to him.

It had a small little tag that said his name. He smiled then

skipped over to the table to his seat.

Orochimaru smiled at him then looked down at the magazine

again.

"Hey, isn't that your teacher? Sarutobi-sensei? Why is he in this

magazine?" Kimimaro asked, looking with Orochimaru.

Orochimaru hissed with disdain then turned the page, hating the

fact that his ugly old teacher was in this while he wasn't. But he

could see why. He was the Hokage and all.

"Pshh, whatever," Orochimaru mumbled turning the page again.

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Kabuto walked down a long hallway, rubbing his temples. After

encountering a cross dressing Zaku and a chibi and out of

character Kimimaro, he was afraid what Sakon was going to do.

Kabuto stopped in front of Sakon and Ukon's room, staring at the

door for a moment then slowly reached out to it, about to knock

when one of the brothers opened the door and stared at Kabuto.

"A-Ah, hello umm…"

"Sakon."

"Yes, hi. Orochimaru-sama wants to see you and your brother in

the meeting room," he said, putting on his fake smile.

Sakon nodded then turned inside and called for his big brother.

"Ukon, come on. We gotta go," Sakon said, passing Kabuto.

Ukon walked out, following his brother like a puppy. IN fact…

Kabuto was wondering why he had a pair of puppy ears on his

head… unless… WAHHH! BAD! Kabuto shook his head and ran past

the strange twins, not wanting to even ask.

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Kimimaro was mad. Not mad. Pissed. Not just pissed. Pissed

beyond belief. Zaku had showed up with his loud obnoxious voice.

It made Kimimaro mad. Then Kabuto showed which made him

want to ring both Zaku's neck and Kabuto's. And then the twins

showed up. They weren't as bad, but now they had to start the

meeting. Kimimaro crossed his arms across his chest and puffed

his cheeks out.

"Now, now, Kimimaro-kun, it's alright," Orochimaru said, rubbing

Kimimaro's cheek the way he did everyone else's that he wanted

to seduce.

Kimimaro smiled up at his master and nodded.

Kabuto glared then started to cough!

"Kabuto, what is it?" Orochimaru asked, looking over at his

subordinate.

Kabuto shook his head and acted like it didn't matter, but

Orochimaru wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Kabuto, are you feeling ill?" he asked, sitting back down and

holding Kabuto's hand.

Kabuto shook his head then tossed a grin at Kimimaro. You know,

he took off his smile and threw it across the table. Cause you

know he can do that. Haha., just kidding. Orochimaru sighed then

patted his head.

"Maybe I should leave you home while we go shopping," he said,

taking his hand off Kabuto's head.

Kabuto gasped then shook his head and grabbed Orochimaru's

hand.

"No! I must stay by your side, whether you tell me to burn,

drown, strip or throw up my guts! I shall forever be you slave!"

Kabuto said, bowing over and over again.

Everyone stared then looked over at Kimimaro who had his hand

in a fist, about to punch Kabuto when Orochimaru went back to

his throne like leather seat and folded his hands on the table.

"I know you all know why we are here today and not all the sound

ninja's. It is because we only need certain people of the teams to

come along and pick out the suits they think is best. Of course, I

will chose my own, Zaku will choose for Dosu and Kin, Sakon and

Ukon will choose for the sound four and I shall pick out Kabuto's

and Kimimaro's. Any objections?" he asked, looking around the

table.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Good. We shall leave early in the morning. Please get to bed and

rest, my minions. We shall have the shopping experience of our

lives tomorrow. For I have… THE MAGICAL SHOPPING CARD

THAT THE AUTHORESS GAVE ME!" Orochimaru announced,

taking out a golden card that blinded everyone in it's path.

Yes, it was the Magical Shopping Card, meaning it always has

money. Never is empty. Nope. Never. C-C-Cause the Authoress is

rich. Y-Yes she is. Snif-a-snif, can we end this chapter now

before the readers realize I am poor.

Orochimaru smiled at his minions then put the card back and told

them to meet here tomorrow, dressing casual.

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Snif-a-snif. All I wanted was a 90 dollar box set of Fruits

Basket. Was it so much to ask? NO! Ame-chan gets all the stuff

she wants! Why can't I? I hate being the middle child…. Umm…

heh, review please.

* * *

**_Kei Hao Asakura_**


	3. kabu chan and oro kun?

YAY! I am so happy! I finally got the boxset! So happy. (hugs cute little

boxset) It is Fruits Basket. It is one of the biggest shojou's I have seen since

Fushigi Yuugi. So sweet. That and a new Japanese horror called Uzumaki.

Some really hott (real) guys! (Sigh) Ahem. Seven more reviews. YAY!

A.L.S-SAN, Paulina-san. Kamikazehikari-san, Jin Freecs-san, Smashturnip

Girl-san, Kittyduck-san, KaibasShadowgirl-san and hurrahhurrah-san. Thank

you so much. (bow) Well, I am gonna start the story cause I haven't much of

a rant today. Also, Kittyduck-san, I am sorry, but it is a force of habit. The

ninja cookies make me do it. I AM SOOOO SORRY! (bow bow bow)

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Kabuto laid on his stomach on his nice comfy bed, writing in a diary.

"Dear Diary, what a day it has been. Orochimaru-sama has decided that we

all look to bland (and he is right ;p) and we need to go shopping. Tomorrow,

I will win my master's heart. Today, Kimimaro used his Chibi-no-jutsu. I

can't stand that move. He made it for Orochimaru-sama, but hasn't shown

him ever. It makes me wonder if he ever will. Well, doesn't matter. I need to

write down why this day was strange and what happened. It started out with

Zaku. He was wearing Kin's clothes. I know have a suspicion that he is a

cross dresser and he is going to be sorry if he doesn't pick something good

out for Kin and Dosu. And I don't even wanna talk about that bastard kid

Kimimaro. So I'll skip to Sakon and Ukon. For some odd reason, when

Ukon walked out, he had puppy ears on and a collar. Of course he took that

off in front of Orochimaru-sama, but when we left, he put them right back on

and started playing around! It was one of the weirdest things I have seen.

Well, I better be getting to be. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Love,

Kabu…TARIMON! J/k. Kabuto."

Kabuto closed his diary and smiled. Starting to hum a song that sounded

very similar to Harmonia, he fell back onto his bed and closed his eyes.

"Orochimaru-sama, I hope my dreams are filled with you."

With that said, he slowly fell into the sweet slumber that is much needed.

"Kabu-chan!"

Kabuto opened his eyes, shocked that he was already awake. But something

was different. It was sunny and he was underground… wasn't he?

"Kabu-chan!"

Kabuto looked up and saw a strange sight that almost made him have a

nosebleed. It was Orochimaru in a school boy's uniform with his hair in a

lose ponytail. He looked so… YOUTHFUL!

"O-O-Orochimaru-sama!"

HIS VOICE! What the hell was wrong with his voice? It was… high pitched

and feminine!

"Silly, Kabu-chan. What's with the Orochimaru-sama? What happened to

Oro-kun?" he laughed, stopping in front of Kabuto.

Kabuto looked down to the ground and noticed what he was wearing… A

GIRLS UNIFORM! And he had cleavage? (poke…poke)

"So, Kabu-chan, what did you want to talk to me about?" Orochimaru asked,

smiling at her.

Kabuto looked down at the ground, a light blush on his cheeks.

"Umm… well… the thing is… I love you, Oro-kun!" he blurted out.

He heard Orochimaru chuckle then felt his chin being tipped up to look

Orochimaru in the eye.

"Me too, Kabu-chan," he whispered, leaning down.

Kabuto closed his eyes and was about to be kissed by his one and true love

when all of a sudden there was a loud noise!

Kabuto's eyes shot open and he sat up in his bed.

"KABUTO-SAN! WAKIE WAKIE EGGS N BAKIE!"

"Zaku. I will kill you."

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That is all. I am sorry. It is shorter than hell. Hell must be really short. I am

sorry that I haven't updated forever. I have been… um…dead? Not a good

excuse huh? I would love to see Kabuto in a sailor fuku! I just love him. My

sister hates him, but she took a quiz and it said that they screwed like rabbits

and she got a hickey. Haha. I got Rock Lee. Then Naruto. Hehe. I don't know

when I'll be able to update again cause I have band camp next week. So I

will try to do it fast. Ja matte ne, minna-san.

-Kei Asakura 


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